Two Cows (A comparative study of Governments and Religions)
IF A...
- COMMUNIST has two cows,
- he gives both to the government,
and the government sells him some of the milk.
- SOCIALIST has two cows,
- he gives both to the government,
and the government gives him some of the milk.
- NAZI has two cows,
- the government shoots him, and takes both cows.
- CAPITALIST has two cows,
- he sells one, and buys a bull.
- NEW DEALIST has two cows,
- he kills one milks the other,
and throws away the milk.
- LIBERALIST has two cows,
- he sells them to the rich,
then taxes them one cow and gives it to the poor.
- CONSERVATIST has two cows,
- he locks them up, and charges people to look at them.
- ATHEIST has two cows,
- he doesn't believe it.
- BUDDHIST has two cows,
- he milks them, but lets the milk spoil,
then he slaughters them, but lets the meat rot.
Then he prays for more cows.
- ZEN BUDDHIST has two cows,
- he thinks about what to do with them,
then they die of starvation.
- TAOIST has two cows,
- he lets them wander off.
- NUDIST has two cows,
- he lives in Wyoming.
- HARE KRISHNA has two cows,
- he names them CONCOURSE A and B.
- EVANGELIST has two cows,
- he asks for 2,999,998 more so he won't be
"called up to heaven" just yet.
- PLATONIST has two cows,
- he looks for two others to milk.
- ARISTOCRIST has two cows,
- he sells them, and buys one big one.
- AESTHETIST has two cows,
- he gets rid of them.
- AGNOSTIC has two cows,
- big deal, he has two cows.
- CATHOLIC has two cows,
- they're not as good as your two cows.
- PRESBYTERIAN has two cows,
- he has a potluck dinner and eats them.
- MORMON has two cows,
- he slaughters them, sells them,
and holds back 10% of the meat and turns it into jerky.
- SCIENTOLOGIST has two cows,
- they're probably from Venus
(and they're not really cows...)
- PACIFIST has two cows,
- they stampede him.
- GOVERNMENT WORKER has two cows,
- he can't sell them, fire them,
or even label them as cows.
- HILLARY CLINTON has two cows,
- she robs the ranches and gives everyone 2 cows.
If she doesn't have enough, she gives them bull.
- BILL CLINTON has two cows,
- he makes sure a few
Arkansas Highway Patrolmen are outside the door when it happens.