Woman Speech vs. the Male Interpretations

WOMAN SPEECH                         ENGLISH EQUIVALENT
__________________________________   ____________________________________

You want.                            You want.
We need.                             I want.
It's your decision.                  The correct decision should be
                                     obvious by now.
Do what you want.                    You'll pay for this later.
We need to talk.                     I need to complain.
Sure...go ahead.                     I don't want you to.
I'm not upset.                       Of course I'm upset, you moron.
You're...so manly.                   You need a shave and you sweat a lot
You're certainly attentive tonight.  Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional!  And I'm not      I'm on my period.
overreacting!
Be romantic, turn out the lights.    I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient.     I want a new house.
I want new curtains.                 and carpeting, and furniture...
I need wedding shoes.                the other 40 pairs are the wrong
                                     shade of white.
Hang the picture there.              No, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise.                     I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me?                      I'm going to ask for something
                                     expensive.
How much do you love me?             I did something today you're really
                                     not going to like.
I'll be ready in a minute.           Kick off your shoes and find a
                                     good game on T.V.
Is my butt fat?                      Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate.    Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!?            [Too late, your dead.]
No                                   No
Maybe                                No
Yes                                  No
I'm sorry.                           You'll be sorry.
Do you like this recipe?             It's easy to fix, so you'd better
                                     get used to it.
I'M NOT YELLING!                     Yes I am yelling because I think
                                     this is important.

In answer to "What's Wrong?"

The same old thing.                  Nothing.
Nothing.                             Everything.
Everything.                          My PMS is acting up.
Nothing, really.                     It's just that you're an asshole.
I don't want to talk about it.       Go away, I'm still building up steam